I'm going to be 34 years old in a week. I've struggled with severe anxiety since I was a little kid. My depression and self-esteem issues were prevalent through my teen years. I started abusing caffeine pills at age 18, and drinking at 19. I've been cited and arrested, been on probation and house arrest, mostly due to incidents that occurred while under the influence. I've been seen by on-call crisis workers and been through several counselors and had hospital stays and involuntary psych unit holds. I've attended outpatient and residential inpatient treatment and had several detox holds. I've racked up thousands of dollars in fines, court costs, and medical bills for emergency room visits and ambulance rides. And had people ask me: "When is enough gonna be enough? What will it take... to scare you enough to quit drinking?
They say everyone has to reach their own individual rock bottom. Granted mine isn't the classic cliche of "I lost my family, house, kids, everything, etc." due to indulging in the bottle. I'm kind of lucky in that sense, as I have stable employment, a vehicle, a roof over my head, and a great support system in my neighborhood friends. But mentally and physically, I've reached my rock bottom.
On Mother's Day 2016, the best worst thing that could have happened to me... did. I got my first DUI. That was not a fun phone call to make at 2:30 in the morning:
"Happy Mother's Day Mom, can you come pick me up?"
"Where are you?"
"Reedsburg PD."
I got cited for driving under the influence, operating with a prohibited alcohol content, and an open intoxicant in motor vehicle. Over $1,000 in fines. I lost my driver's license for 6 months and had to get a restricted license that only allowed me to go certain places during certain times, for a limited number of hours per week. My insurance went from $69 a month to $144 a month for 6 months, then to $169 for the 6 months after that. I had to take an alcohol assessment, where normally for your first DUI they'll sentence you to attend a driver safety class of about 6-8 sessions that takes up 8 hours of your next 6-8 Saturdays, that must be completed prior to getting your driver's license back at the end of the 6 month revocation period.
Due to my history of alcohol use and abuse and prior attempts at treatment, I didn't get to take the drivers safety class. She said because there was probably nothing taught in there that I hadn't already learned in prior treatment. My "sentence" was a minimum of 6 individual counseling sessions at a facility of my choosing, and my workplace health facility was approved.
So I meet with the counselor there. All's fine and dandy, I complete the minimum amount of sessions, and decide it's helping me so I decide to continue. I get along great with this counselor, and he's the first one I've ever seen that didn't just say "oh, you have a drinking problem, you're an alcoholic, let's fix that..." Instead, he's digging deeper into WHY I may have a drinking problem, which no other counselor I have ever seen has done.
It took a year of consistent counseling, working through many ups and downs, and one terrifying incident recently that made me decide to be done.
Yes, I've decided to quit drinking. It's not going to be easy, and maybe at some point in the future I will be able to have one every once in awhile, but for now this is what I need to do for myself.
All I ask is that you respect my decision. I love all my friends and most are very supportive of this, and I'm not asking any of you to change your lives for my sake, but I will tell you one thing: If you do not respect my wishes (because it is what I need to do for me to figure out what is really wrong) and you constantly beg me to drink or you bring alcohol into my home, I will terminate ties with you immediately. Because that tells me you do not respect me as a person and do not care about my health, well-being, and my future. And that tells me you are not my friend.
I don't mean this to be harsh, but this is going to be super difficult for me at this phase. If you push it, well then... goodbye to you.
