Just Call Me “Humpty Dumpty”

They say it started when I was two. (I’ve always wondered who the “they” they are referring to… but in this case, would be my parents). I was jumping on my parent’s bed, fell off, my bottom teeth went through my bottom lip and I had to get stitches, which I apparently chewed right out. That’s why my bottom lip is so fat.

            When I was three and we moved to Grand Marsh, I was playing tightrope walker on the bannister at the top of the stairs, fell, and tumbled down the stairs. According to Mom, I got up and did it again but laughed the second time I rolled down the stairs.

            I learned to play hockey the winter of 5^th grade, around 1993 or 1994 ish. Unbelievably, none of my incidents occurred on the ice. No wait, one or two occurred on the ice, but not while I was playing hockey or near the rink.

            The next major incident I remember is THIS one. I don’t remember if I was knocked out or not during that incident, but his knuckles are permanently dented into the left side of my head.

            Sept. 4^th, 2001 was the day I got my first ambulance ride, after the ladder I was standing on threw me off. I was working at a toy store in downtown Dells and attempting to rearrange some overpriced stuffed animals on a high shelf when the ladder decided it didn’t want to hold me up anymore and tossed me on the floor. I landed with my left arm out to catch myself, but my weight collapsed my arm and my head hit the floor. I must have passed out because I was told later that a customer came into the store and saw me and went to get someone else to help, and I do not recall seeing anyone in the store until the gal from the store next door came over. I do remember Sergeant Blood (yes, seriously that is his name) holding my legs down because they were shaking so badly while they were trying to load me onto the backboard. It was after that the migraines started and I went through a tirade of medication, MRI’s, specialists, neurologists, until about a year later my doctor told me the headaches might be something I might just have to learn to live and deal with.

            November of 2003 I tumbled down the hill while rollerblading and passed out in the grass. Some passerby found me and called for help. I was wearing my helmet and I remember them yelling at me to stop moving my head when they were asking me questions and worried about a head injury.

            Four days after I started college in August 2004, I was hit by a car while riding my bike in the crosswalk in Onalaska. A guy stopped to let me cross and he was rear-ended, pushing him into me. I landed on his hood on my back, and then flipped onto the highway on my stomach. I had just passed an officer on a traffic stop a few blocks away and he was down on the ground next to me in no time. I asked him to get a hold of my brother and I got into the ambulance to get checked out. As I was stepping out of the ambulance, my brother was running down the highway towards me. I asked him who contacted him, and he said nobody did, he was at the Kwik Trip across the street, saw my bike in the road and came running over. The responding officer told me that he better never see me riding my bike without a helmet ever again.

            A few months later, I was riding my bike home from the PD after talking with the Captain and that same officer about a project for school they were going to assist me with. A State Trooper lived down the road from us, and as I was riding past his house, my chain popped off my bike, I flipped over the handlebars and the bike lands on top of me. The Trooper was outside and saw the whole thing… and after coming out to check on me, pulling my bike off me and calling for assistance… he calls his son, who is inside, to come outside and watch the show. I was conscious and pissed. It wasn’t too much better when the officer who I had just spoke with at the PD responds, steps out of his squad and asks the Trooper if it was me, he says yes, the officer shakes his head and says “not again…” Then the First Responders arrive, know I have a history of head injuries, and ask “Holly, are you having a bad year?” Yeah, I guess I was. At least I was wearing my helmet then and as the officer took me and my bike home he told me he was glad I was wearing it.

            I think it was winter of 2004 when I tumbled down the path by the lake on the ice and knocked myself out. I remember having to be pulled out of there on a sled before going to the hospital via ambulance.

            Summer of 2005 I believe it was, I fell into a seizure while riding my bike home from work and didn’t come out of it until I was almost to the emergency room in the ambulance. I was wearing my helmet then and it was the only seizure I have ever had and told it was from a combination of heat, alcohol, and caffeine.

            Later that year my roommate and I were sledding in the park. I went down first and halfway down the hill I flipped forward and rolled, she came down behind me and crashed into me in my back, throwing me and knocking me out. She tried waking me up for a half hour before calling for help so I nearly had frostbite then also and was mad because they chopped off my Mighty Ducks long sleeve t-shirt… and because it was like my 8^th head injury in 10 years, I had to wear a chin collar brace for a week.

            So I go to church on Sunday morning, wearing the collar and one of the guys asked me what happened. I filled him in and he told me he had just opened his own chiropractic office in the city and would like to see me as soon as possible. Then I go to my hockey game that night, knowing I couldn’t play, and coach asked me what happened. He said I’m benched until after I see the doc. I replied of course, I figured that.

            I had never had chiropractic care before, but it was through the x-rays taken in his office that I discovered I have like nothing left between a couple of the vertebrae in my upper back. When I went back to see the doc that week, they sent me to a neurologist which only resulted in a cortisone shot every now and then. Useless waste of money, in my opinion. When I asked about playing hockey, doc said he couldn’t stop me but to play at my own risk. When I returned to the rink that following week, coach said “I’m not going to take that risk…” thus ending my hockey career. Doc also told me if I have one more major head injury, I could be paralyzed. It was the hardest thing in the world for me to sell my hockey sticks and skates last year.

            So I never do anything extreme anymore without wearing a helmet, and even once in a while you’ll see me running around with a Bumbo on my head.